There have been many times when I have tried to convince myself, rather strictly, to maintain a schedule. I have sat with a calendar and a host of sketch pens, ready to attack and block the dates. Write little scribbles. Make it look fancy. Needless to say, it never worked out. I was in school back then.
Later, my friend had given me something that quite honestly gave me eye cancer. It was a Microsoft Word doc made in the form of a table composed of heinous neon blocks. I never used it. Though studies have proven (citation required) that it works wonders for you and managing your time. We just were not meant for each other. Sigh.
My prehistoric iPhone also has a timer, a calendar, a notes section, but that too is usually of no use- maybe rarely to write down addresses or some such.
The point I am trying to make is, being meticulous might not always be the best thing ever. In fact, it’s quite nice to take each day as it comes. Sure you tend to forget things- lunch dates, article deadlines, visiting an ailing someone. But at times, it just feels liberating to not have a clockwork existence. Schedules make me feel persecuted. And that’s odd because I am not a very random person when it comes to planning things. I love plans and plots but the thought of an alarm or a multicoloured date blocker freaks me out. I am not schizophrenic enough yet to not have an indication of what’s going on. I am functional yet.
I like taking time to grasp and take in all that’s going on around me. I like observing without meaningless rushing. Sure I panic when it comes to deadlines. I go ballistic and teary eyed. But I manage. And if I don’t, I have an alarming amount of beer and everything gets better.
Truth be told, I am probably pitifully scatterbrained. I have the attention span of an incorrigible 5 year old, and I space out more than I bother to keep track of. I am not even sure I like it much. A To-Do List is what I need. It is what I deserve. But it is what I DETEST as well. Maybe that is why I react more to my environment than influence it. Heck, even blogs can be scheduled. What happened to spontaneity?!
But you know what the most satisfying thing is? That at the end of the day, I feel happy, because though I might not have been the most proactive person alive, but the day felt like my own. The decisions my own. Not a pre-made schedule.